So what would you do if the large hadron collider created a black hole that was about to suck the earth in? Most people would probably loot, but where to loot first, it’s enough to give you fits? Well, this list will attempt to address this pressing issue and take the hassle out of choosing your next looting location. Without further ado, the top 10 places you should loot in the event of a large hadron collider induced quantum singularity.

10. Adult Video Store

Why?

This is probably the only day on earth where you won’t feel like a complete pervert for going in here and even if you do, who cares right? Noone will be paying any attention to you, they’ll be busy doing some looting of their own, so you can relax and watch your DVDs in peace. And who are all these people to judge you anyway, they’ll be sucked down the same black hole as you and after that happens, I’d like to see someone try and separate their self-righteous molecules from yours.

9. Local Ferrari Dealership

Why?

Let’s face it, this is your only chance to own one these babies, even if it is a looted one. I know it’s a bit boring to just drive a car around as your particles get torn asunder, but at least as you’re compressed into a tiny ball of goo by the monumental forces involved you’ll know that you looked damn cool when it was happening and were going really fast too.

8. Local Chocolate Store

Why?

All these years of going to the gym working those pecs and lats or sweating your ass off on the treadmill, denying yourself that little bit of cake or that nice choc-chip cookie with your tea, well they ain’t worth squat now. World is gonna end, like really soon and all, so this is your chance to go crazy and satisfy your cravings once and for all. Don’t worry people are gonna care even less about this than they did about you perving at the adult movies. Infact there will probably be a bunch of pigs just like you at the store gorging themselves to death on chocolate truffles and moose.

7. Local Gun Store/Rifle Range/Shooting Gallery

Why?

Ever wanted to feel important and powerful, but were stuck in some country where guns were hard to come by or maybe there was a conviction or three preventing you from becoming a proud owner of a Smith & Wesson limited edition. Well, no more of that, now you can loot your way to feeling like you’re king of the world. Of course there is a bit of irony in that your little guns pale into nothingness along side the titanic forces ripping the planet apart, but if you go into fits of orgasmic pleasure from the feel of a lady bullet in your hand, that irony will probably be lost on you.

6. Your Neighbours’ House

Why?

Cause you’re sick of that upstart, yuppie no-good stock broker with his perfect little wife and perfect little kids and perfect little car and perfect little house. Well, the end of the world is nigh and it is payback time. Just go in there with a chainsaw or cordless drill or some other power tool and go nuts. Don’t forget to cuddle that 68 inch LCD TV, that you’ve been coveting for years, before you chop it into so much compost. The downside is you probably won’t actually get anything nice for you to keep out of this. The upside is that your dump of a place will be the prettiest house on the block for the short moments before the whole planets gets mulched up into cosmic drool.

5. Church

Why?

You’ve probably been wondering for a while if hell really exists and what it is really like, surely it can’t be all that bad? But, in our society if instant of instant internet gratification, who wants to wait until you die of natural causes to find out? Well, since your body is about to be put through a fine, microscopic black hole mesh anyway, you might as well go and loot a church to ensure your place in hell is not taken by some wannabe drunk driver. Loot a synagogue and a mosque just in case, you’ll have most of your bases covered if you stick to the places of worship of major religions. This way when Earth becomes nothing more than a skid mark on the universes’ dirty underpants, you’ll be living it up, taking a relaxing plunge into a lake of sulfur with all your best guys and gals.

4. Local Pet Store

Why?

This one is purely to protect yourself from cosmic irony, the universe has a sense of humour don’t you know, so you must perform a pre-emptive strike on it with some strategic looting. You go to the pet store to find out which animal is local pet store ultimate fighting champ, last chimp/dog/snake standing is the winner. This way when you get sucked into the black hole and the universe plays its usual tricks on you by transporting you into a parallel universe while at the same time fusing you with the nearest animal available on hand. You’ve made sure that your fusion buddy will be a mean canine with giant cojones and an attitude, rather than some random looser parakeet with a lazy eye and chronic diarrhoea.

3. Your Local Bank Branch

Why?

Cause you’ve been toying with the idea of doing it regardless of black hole phenomena. Go in there and burn/steal all their records and release a virus into their computers if you’re that way inclined. This is insurance just in case by some miracle the world survives its brush with quantum physics. If it does you might be labelled a fat, gun-loving, animal-abusing, anti-religious, pervert, car thief, but at least you won’t have a mortgage any more. And you may have helped out a few more people along the way as a side benefit. This hopefully, will make up somewhat for smearing the altar in the house of god with animal faeces. Let’s face it after the looting spree you’ve been on, you’ll be needing all the brownie points you can get.

2. Local Drug Dealers House

Why?

You’ve probably smoked a little joint or two, while hiding behind some shed somewhere, made you feel real cool didn’t it? Just imagine how hip you’ll feel after ingesting a lethal cocktail blend of all the illicit substances you’re likely to find here. Smoke it, snort it, inject it, swallow it, hell absorb it rectally who’s gonna judge you? You have like minutes left to live for goodness sakes. In the seconds left to you, you’ll also be able to place a bet on what will kill you first, drugs or black hole. And if you thought seeing a black whole up close would be trippy, just imagine the trippiness overload you’ll get from watching it up close while stuffed with more narcotics than Amy Winehouses’ medicine cabinet. Of course the sheer irony of being able to possibly see through time both literally and figuratively can not be understated either.

1. Local Nuclear Power Station, Then The Local Zoo

Why?

This is more of a series of loots you’ll be engaging in. But it is forgivable since you’re working on the last ditch effort to save the world. So first thing first, get your hands on some fissionable materials, don’t worry about protective gear, if you haven’t figured the lethality of the whole black hole situation out by now, then cleansing through quantum event is probably the best thing for you and the rest of the world.

So, fissionable material in hand, head straight for the arachnid sanctuary at the zoo (c’mon you know where this is heading, right?). You greatest chance of success lies there, since “documentary” evidence would suggest a decent chance of spidey powers being equal to the task of taking on a rapidly expanding black hole.

However this may not work, so once all the spiders are dead, your best bet is to move out from there to the rest of the zoo in a spiral search pattern irradiating every animal in your path. Who knows koalas may have a destiny greater than we all could have imagined and have been put on this earth for the express purpose of fusing their hereto unknown powers to yours. For such a fusion would surely form a creature most fearsome in mien and temperament, no black hole would stand a chance!

If you’re gonna try this one, I suggest you avoid doing the other ones first, since they might decrease your chances of succeeding with this one (you know the drugs and all). Plus if you do succeed you don’t want to explain to little Susie why Mr. Bunnykins had his head ripped off and used as a napkin by the pit-bull you’re carrying around in your backpack.

Update: Well I got at least one of the interviews that I wanted from this post, and here it is:

– Interview With The ‘I Drink Your Mikshake’ Snorg Tees Girl

I love Snorg Tees (you know those t-shirt ads you keep seeing on digg.com, explosm.net and everywhere else), well to be more precise I love their ads, well to be even more precise I love the girls who model the t-shirts in the ads (so I am a guy and I like girls, so sue me :)).

I recently came across some blog posts here and here, talking about Alice the original snorg tees girl and even an interview with her in another post here (she seems like a nice girl). However after reading these posts I realised that there are a few other snorg tees girls that I really like, so I thought I’d create this small list and to make it even more interesting I thought I’d turn in into an experiment in the power of social media.

Here is the idea, I think the other snorg tees girls on this list deserve to be interviewed also, just like Alice was (obviously Alice is one of the girls on the list :)) and since I don’t know who they are I thought I would turn to social media to provide the answer. What I would like to see happen is for this post to become popular enough to come to the attention of either the girls themselves or people who know them, so that they can contact me, so that I in turn can interview them and post the interviews on my blog for everyone else to read :)(I know there are probably easier ways to do this, but then I wouldn’t get to do my little experiment and that’s no fun :)).

I am sure there are other people out there who are closet fans of these girls :), so if you are one of them, or even if you’re not but want to support the experiment what you need to do is cast you vote. Vote this post up on your favourite social media site, that means I want you to Digg and Stumble it, to Mixx it, Spurl it, Pownce and Twitter it, to Reddit, Furl it, Sphinn and Tumblr it and do whatever else your social media site does. Oh, and don’t forget to share it with your friends. The more people see it, the more chance this experiment has of succeeding! So, what are you waiting for, go ahead…

Oh yeah, almost forgot :), here is the list of the snorg tees girls we all want to know more about (well, my list anyway :)) [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

5. It’s Ok Pluto I am Not a Planet Either

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

4. I Drink Your Milkshake

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”1″ style=”0″]

3. I Love LAMP

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

2. #1 Threat To America BEARS

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

1. With A Shirt Like This Who Needs Pants?

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”1″ style=”0″] [/column]

Number 3 – Ultimate geek t-shirt or what?

Number 1 – Who else thinks this is best t-shirt ad ever :)?

If you’re one of the snorg tees girls in this list or someone who knows one of them and can talk them into doing an interview over e-mail or IM :), then please contact me, my details are on the contact page. You can also just leave a comment with your details and I will contact you (you know, to verify that you are who you say you are :)).

Oh and if there is a question you want to ask one of the girls, please post it up as well, if this experiment is successful you may just get your questions answered (please don’t post anything vulgar, I will treat any vulgar comments as spam and deal with them accordingly).

In my literature related internet journeys I’ve seen the same scenario time and time again. People have finished reading “Harry Potter” or “Lord of the Rings” or are simply just getting into fantasy and are looking for something interesting, asking for advice from the more experienced fantasy readers. Unfortunately the names they are given are always the same:

• Jordan (“The Wheel of Time”)
• Martin (“The Song of Ice and Fire”)
• Goodkind (“The Sword of Truth”)

Don’t get me wrong those are all great authors and great series, but there are many other series and authors that get overlooked when august names such as those start getting thrown around. I love reading fantasy and science fiction I’ve read dozens of different series and hundreds (or possibly even thousands) of individual books. So, I thought I’d make a small list of series’ that never seem to make it into other top 10 lists despite being well written, entertaining, different and in some cases no less epic than “Lord of The Rings”, “Wheel of Time” and others. So, strap yourself in for my list of less well known and under appreciated fantasy series’. Some commentary is included to whet your appetite :).

10. “Farside” by John Dalmas

I had to put this in since it almost never gets mentioned by anyone and it certainly should. The story is mainly about Curtis Macurdy who we meet for the first time as a young boy in pre-depression US. We follow Curtis on his journey to another world where he fights a war and then back to ours where he eventually gets involved in WW2.

I don’t want to give away the plot, but here are a few teasers :). There is magic, but noone ever has god-like powers, all magic is believable and in many ways subtle and blends in well with our world and the other world that is involved in the story. The story has a very low entry barrier, the plot is fairly uncomplicated, the good guys and bad guys pretty well defined (although there are some surprises). The books draw you in almost from page 1 and make you comfortable with the storyline very quickly. I’ve read the series twice, once when I was only getting into fantasy and again very recently. I enjoyed it both times :). [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

The Lion of Farside

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

The Bavarian Gate

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”1″ style=”0″]

The Lion Returns

[/column]

9. “Stones of Power” by David Gemmell

David Gemmell is a brilliant author, in my opinion. Say what you will, but he always tells an excellent story, fun from the very first word and always with plenty of action. This series is like 2 series in one, all five books are tied together with a common theme (i.e. the stones of power), but the first 2 books and the last 3 stand alone as separate series.

The last three books are a real treat as far as I am concerned. They tell the story of Jon Shannow a.k.a. “The Jerusalem Man”. It is set in a post apocalyptic Earth and there are guns involved, but the books are nevertheless well and truly fantasy. I found Shannow to be an extremely likeable protagonist, someone you always find yourself rooting for. Once again the barrier of entry is extremely low and the books draw you in from the very first page, highly recommended for budding fantasy enthusiasts as well as veterans. [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Ghost King

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Last Sword of Power

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Wolf in Shadow

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Last Guardian

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”1″ style=”0″]

Bloodstone

[/column]

8. “Incarnations of Immortality” by Piers Anthony

These books are not your average fantasy series. The main idea is that there are certain concepts in the world that have guardians that are the human “incarnation” of that particular concept (i.e. Death, War, Nature etc.). Each of the books in the series deals with a particular person and how they become an incarnation of a particular concept. The first book for example is about a man and how he becomes the physical incarnation of Death by replacing the previous holder of the office. Book six is about a man becoming the incarnation of Evil (i.e. the devil).

The premise of the books is extremely clever. The world is not your typical fantasy world, but is a mirror of our world where things developed differently. As you go through the series you start to meet protagonists from previous books, already holding the offices that they obtained in their volume. Thoroughly enjoyable, but the barrier of entry is a little higher, the books don’t draw you in for a while so you have to give them a chance (i.e. don’t give up in the first few pages). [column size=”1-4″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

On A Pale Horse

[/column] [column size=”1-4″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Bearing An Hourglass

[/column] [column size=”1-4″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

With a Tangled Skein

[/column] [column size=”1-4″ last=”1″ style=”0″]

Wielding a Red Sword

[/column] [column size=”1-4″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Being a Green Mother

[/column] [column size=”1-4″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

For Love of Evil

[/column] [column size=”1-4″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

And Eternity

[/column] [column size=”1-4″ last=”1″ style=”0″]

Under a Velvet Cloak

[/column]

7. “Tales of Alvin Maker” by Orson Scott Card

An excellent series by the man who brought us ”Ender’s Game”. The setting is, once again, not what you would expect from a fantasy series, as the action takes place in pre-civil war US. The idea is that in this world, things we would consider superstition, such as hexes are real. Most people have “knacks” which give them almost supernatural ability with a particular aspect of day to day existence (e.g. some might have a knack for cooking or joining wood, dowsers really can find water etc.).

The story’s main character is Alvin, who was born the seventh son of a seventh son, which is extremely auspicious as you might imagine :). Alvin has extremely powerful knacks, and the books are about his journey to fulfill his destiny as a Maker. Along the way he meets many historical figures of that period (such as Abraham Lincoln). I found this series to be a real page-turner, it is worth reading simply to experience the authentic language used throughout the books. Be warned though, this series is still unfinished, and will leave you with a massive case of “wanting more” :). [column size=”1-4″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Seventh Son

[/column] [column size=”1-4″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Red Prophet

[/column] [column size=”1-4″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Prentice Alvin

[/column] [column size=”1-4″ last=”1″ style=”0″]

Alvin Journeyman

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Heartfire

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

The Crystal City

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”1″ style=”0″] Master Alvin

(Upcoming)

[/column]

6. “The Deed of Paksenarrion” by Elizabeth Moon

Another trilogy that I’ve never heard mentioned along side the greats and it certainly deserves a place. This is more along the vein of traditional fantasy (i.e. swords and sorcery). There is not a lot of “sorcery” in these books as most supernatural powers are divinely bestowed (the books have a highly developed pantheon of deities and saints).

The story follows the journey of Paksenarrion Dorthansdotter. We meet Paks as a country girl escaping an arranged marriage to join a mercenary company. We stay with her as she becomes a veteran soldier and continues on her way to becoming a paladin.

The books are page turners from the very first page and I found it extremely rewarding for some reason to see Paks develop from a virtual country bumpkin into an educated and confident warrior for good. In a refreshing twist to books where the protagonist is a girl, there is no handsome price that sweeps our hero off her feet at some point in the series. Two thumbs up. [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Sheepfarmer’s Daughter

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Divided Allegiance

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”1″ style=”0″]

Oath of Gold

[/column]

5. “Lion of Macedon” by David Gemmell

This is almost not a series as it is only two books, but I simply couldn’t resist including it even if it meant that David Gemmell makes a second appearance on the list. In usual Gemmell style, the action starts from the word go and doesn’t let up. These books are the story of Parmenion, a boy who grows up in Sparta and eventually becomes one of the most trusted generals to Alexander of Macedon.

As you might have gathered, this is a historically based series; it nevertheless falls firmly into the realms of fantasy. The interesting thing about this series is that the “Stones of Power” from the other Gemmell series that I mentioned on this list, also make an appearance a few times in these books. It is pretty awesome how two unrelated series can be tenuously tied together like this. A cool hero to root for, plenty of action plus all the other trappings of an excellent fantasy series, this is one you shouldn’t miss. [column size=”1-2″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Lion of Macedon

[/column] [column size=”1-2″ last=”1″ style=”0″]

Dark Prince

[/column]

4. “Soldier Son” by Robin Hobb

Unlike some of the other series in this list, this one has a much higher barrier of entry. It is not really one that draws you in from the first page, but then none of Robin Hobb’s books are. Having said that, if you do stick with it for a while, you will discover an author and a series that you will fall in love with. Hobb’s characterisation and narrative are second to none and this series is deep and engaging. It is different in that the “good guys” and “bad guys” are not really well defined. The main character is not “super-human” and in some situations is at the mercy of events (which is a lot more like real life).

The story is about Nevare, who is the second son of a “new” lord. In this world, the second son of a lord is destined to become a soldier and Nevare looks forward to this as he grows up. However events beyond his control conspire to keep him from this goal, but his journey is no less interesting for the lack of fighting.

If you want a series that makes you think, where the world is not black and white and where even main characters are fallible and all too human, this series is definitely for you. [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Shaman’s Crossing

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Forest Mage

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”1″ style=”0″]

Renegade’s Magic

[/column]

3. “Codex Alera” by Jim Butcher

There was a point where I thought that I had surely tried every flavour of fantasy that could possibly exist and then I discovered this series :). In these books just about all people have some control over elemental powers that are called “furies”. The only person who seems to be weak and powerless in a world of mages is the hero, Tavi. We follow Tavi as he uses his ingenuity to get along in the world without any supernatural abilities, but will he be this powerless forever? I just can’t help but root for the underdog :).

This series drew me in straight away and I found myself reading continuously until I finished the first book (this doesn’t happen often to me any more). The world Butcher paints is vibrant and alive (even if it is based on Rome which is pretty standard fare for fantasy). As you can imagine the magic in these book is particularly well thought out and integrated into the fabric of the world.

The only disappointing this about this series is that it is unfinished with 2 more books still to be written. I for one can’t wait. [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Furies of Calderon

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Academ’s Fury

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”1″ style=”0″]

Cursor’s Fury

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Captain’s Fury

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″] Princeps’ Fury

(Upcoming)

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”1″ style=”0″] (Upcoming)

[/column]

2. “Prince of Nothing” by R. Scott Bakker

I had to include this one because once again I don’t often hear it mentioned along with others that are considered great, and in this case I really don’t understand it, since it is easily as good if not better than most. Fair warning, this is not for those who are expecting an easy read. I started the first book of this series twice before I got into it as it doesn’t really draw you in until well into the story. But once it does, it is absolutely unbelievable.

This series is epic in every sense of the word. The world is truly enormous even if it doesn’t seem so at first and the scale of events that takes place is truly mind boggling. There are many characters who are central to the story but the main character would have to be Anasurimbor Kellhus, a Dunyain monk descended from a line of kings who is in search of his father. For centuries the Dunyain monks have been bred for intellect and trained to predict the effect of their actions and manipulate those around them in any way they wish. This makes Kellhus as near to superhuman as someone can be.

At the same time, a Holy War is called in the city of Momemn, the Consul – an ancient evil is once again stirring, the sorcerous schools and the church are manoeuvring to gain advantage. I have to stop :), there is too much going on to easily describe in a short paragraph. Suffice to say that this is fantasy not for the faint hearted. If you really appreciate events of epic scope, political intrigue and a profusion of character viewpoints, you will appreciate this series, I certainly did. [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

The Darkness That Comes Before

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

The Warrior Prophet

[/column] [column size=”1-3″ last=”1″ style=”0″]

The Thousandfold Thought

[/column]

1. “Saga of Recluse” by L. E. Modesitt, Jr.

I had to put this series in first place for it truly is a saga. It currently stands at 15 books and there may be more forthcoming. Don’t be put off by the length however, this series is not chronological and doesn’t follow the same characters. Rather, this series is set at different stages in the history of the same world. What ties this series together is the set of natural laws that govern the world where it is set. This series is in fact multiple series as well as several stand-alone books that are all set in the same universe. However, the world is so rich and well represented in every book that it well and truly becomes another character and this is what makes all of these books a series and ties everything together so well.

The idea is that there exists a world where two natural forces are in constant opposition, Order and Chaos. Order very loosely represents “good” and Chaos “loosely” represents evil, order is black and chaos is white, which turns your thinking topsy-turvy for a bit until you realise that, there is no good and evil since order and chaos are just natural forces. Order and chaos acts in the world through mages that have control over the powers of their particular natural force, as well as through foci, who are extra powerful mages.

The books are not written in chronological order and jump back and forth in the timeline of the world to tell the story of significant events that have happened. The books can be read in chronological order as well, but the author recommends reading them in the order they were written and so do I.

This series is truly brilliant, with every book read you get more and more of an appreciation of how detailed and well thought out the world actually is. In addition the characters are all likeable and you can really identify with their story no matter what their affiliation, order or chaos (although you do lean towards favouring order :)). Modesitt has a very distinct writing style that I for one find extremely appealing. Not only do you get to look at the characters from their eyes, but also from the eyes of those around them as well as those far away who are affected by what the characters set in motion. I can’t recommend this series highly enough. [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

The Magic of Recluce

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

The Towers of the Sunset

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

The Magic Engineer

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

The Order War

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”1″ style=”0″]

The Death of Chaos

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Fall of Angels

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

The Chaos Balance

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

The White Order

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Colors of Chaos

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”1″ style=”0″]

Magi’i of Cyador

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Scion of Cyador

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Wellspring of Chaos

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Ordermaster

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”0″ style=”0″]

Natural Ordermage

[/column] [column size=”1-5″ last=”1″ style=”0″]

Mage-Guard of Hamor

[/column]

Well, I hope you pick up some of these great books and give them a go; I promise you won’t be disappointed. The only thing I feel bad about is all the authors and series’ that didn’t make it on this list (there were many), perhaps another list is in order simply to give them a fair go.

Do you know and a love a fantasy series that is perhaps not well known or under-appreciated by the rest of the world? Do leave a comment and tell me what it is and perhaps it may make it onto the next list, or even bump one of the entries off this list :).

You can now see my list of 10 MORE Awesome Fantasy Series That Are Not Potter or LoTR.